Birth story in pictures

Birthday Poem for Kyra – My baby’s eyes

Kyra - 1st minute

You looked up and in to my eyes

And in that moment

My whole world changed

Time stood still,

And sped up

I saw your first steps, words, bruise

I saw your first day of school

Your first kiss, tears, disappointment

Your first love, graduation, wedding

I saw your first home away from ours

And your first baby.

I saw a future unfold with unspeakable joys

in which my heart would ache,

My heart would break,

And my love for you would never fade.

I blinked and saw you again, looking up at me

With those beautiful eyes, in full acceptance,

Full appreciation, full love – staring up at me

Unconditionally loving me, as my eyes unconditionally love you back.

You changed me

My hopes, my dreams, my life

By simply looking up at me

And knowing who I am.

Week 40 + 6 – Birth story of Kyra Amelia

We had a little girl at 4.40 am on October 4th! She weighed in at 3.52 kg which I believe is 7.76 lbs and 54 cm or 21.26 inches.

The start of labour

Kyra Amelia was born in the kitchen of our flat in Camberwell, London. On 2 October I woke up around 5am with irregular contractions, and had the bloody show but as it was my 30th birthday, I really didn’t want the baby to come on the day, so I cancelled all my plans and lay very quietly on the sofa for the bulk of the day.

I woke up at 3am on the 3rd of October with more powerful contractions, and as everyone was asleep I went in to the bathroom, the only room in the house where no one was sleeping, and sat on my Swiss ball breathing through the contractions. As the day progressed, so did the contractions. I spent the day on the TENS machine and Swiss ball. The baby moved around a lot inside me, and it seems she turned to

Earl Labour, still in my pajamas!

a back to back position and my contractions were becoming very deep and painful. I tried to sleep on and off during the day, but found it really hard as I would wake up in the midst of a contraction. (I realised the next day that there were two higher pain settings on the TENS machine that I hadn’t even used!) We called the midwife, Zainab, and she came around at 9PM. While she was checking to see how dilated I was my waters broke, a rather extraordinary feeling, and she did an impromptu sweep. At that point I was 4 cm dilated, so she told me to get in the pool while she went to attend another birth. At that point I just had the water for pain relief, and I was quite okay. The rest of the night passed in a bit of a blur for me, but here’s more or less how I remember it!
During my stay in the water my labour slowed down drastically due to the back to back position. Zainab had still not returned from the other birth and I was becoming desperate for some pain relief, so my mom, who practices as a midwife in Australia, but isn’t licensed to practice in the UK , put together the gas and air. I started to feel the need to push, but despite pushing for quite a while, nothing much seemed to be happening and at about 1 am Zainab wanted to check me again. Despite four hours of contractions, I was still only 4 cm, but my cervix had thinned. Up till that point I’d been in pretty good humour, but the news that I’d not progressed, and the baby hadn’t moved down any further really demotivated me as I’d been in a lot

Gas and Air

of pain (with the back labour), and was now pushing which before the cervix is dilated is really quite dangerous. I was absolutely exhausted from lack of sleep, and the pain was becoming unbearable since I was out of the pool. It was during the hour and a half I was lying on the bed that I had a serious sense of humour failure. Zainab had me lying on my side with my legs raised to try to get the baby to turn again but she told us that if I didn’t progress in the next four hours, I would have to go in to hospital. Having slept for 3 hours in 48 did not give me the reserves of strength I needed for this, and if it were not for Martin whispering constantly in my ear that I could do this, I am not sure that I would have! I was desperate not to end up having an emergency Caesarean, but at the same time I did not think I was able to do another 6 to 8 hours of the agonising need to push that I was experiencing! Every time I had a contraction my mom and Martin were telling me ‘Don’t push, Don’t push, DON’T PUSH’ and I was in agony! I was sucking on the gas and air as if my life depended on it, and although I’m not sure that it actually helps with the pain, it definitely helps blur events! I lay on the bed with Martin for about an hour and a half drifting in and out of consciousness waking up only to moan and groan my way through contractions. Because I was pretty comatose for the two to three minutes between contractions it felt like an hour and a half of constant contractions. I honestly don’t know where the two hours went that I was lying on the bed with Martin, and I think he was amazingly strong. Those hours passed in a huge blur for me, but he was so strong and he was just there all the way. I was vaguely aware of Zainab coming in to monitor the baby’s heart rate from time to time, but Martin had asked her to leave us for a while, and she was fantastically hands off. When she checked me again at 4 o’clock, I had dilated from 4 to 8 cm in just an hour and a half!

My mom and Zainab had emptied out the pool to put in fresh water, and it wasn’t ready yet, so when I hit 8 cm, Martin had to put as much cold water in as possible in as short a time as possible as I was standing outside the pool pushing and groaning! Oddly enough, here the day becomes crystal clear for me. I became very conscious and alert at that time, and was able to express my wishes very clearly. I needed a fan on me because I was boiling up in the warm water, I needed my music turned up and silence from chatter between contractions so that I could focus – and I was able to ask for what I needed and Zainab and my mom, who had become the 2nd midwife (Zainab had told her colleague not to worry coming over as my mom could fill the spot, which I think meant a LOT to my mom!) were fantastic about just letting me have what I needed and not interfering any more than was needed.
Back in the pool, and between contractions I was calmly listening to a selection of gospel music I had chosen for the occasion. In preparation for the birth I had worried about whether I would want anyone in the room with me during the last stage as it felt like such an intensely private time, and I had told Martin I might ask him to ask the midwives to leave or stand quietly behind him and me. He was fantastic about telling people when to be quiet or when to switch off lights or so on. Despite my mom and Zainab talking to me and telling me what to do from time to time, Martin’s was the only voice I could actually hear, and I recall his voice in my ear the whole night, encouraging me, telling me I was doing well, he was proud of me, I could do this, my body was made for this – all the affirmations I’d spent months telling myself and had written down for him.

Delivering my baby in to the birth pool

I’ve always understood transition to be the most painful part of labour, but for me it really wasn’t. It was the most transcendental part, where I was able to focus the most clearly and able to see purpose in what was happening. Looking back now, it’s the part of the day I remember the most clearly. The pain suddenly became worth it, because I could feel my baby moving down rather than it just being an endless amount of rushes. It was hard work, but it wasn’t actually painful, it was just focussed effort, and the perineam stretching and all that didn’t really hurt as such, it was just slightly uncomfortable, but it had purpose. When the baby’s head crowned my mom and Zainab stepped back to observe as I had said I wanted to deliver the baby myself and they were going to at least allow me to try. I reached down as the head crowned and smiled to myself, and in that moment nakedness wasn’t nakedness, a vagina wasn’t a sexual organ and nothing mattered more than the fact that this new life was about to enter the world. I asked my mom to wake my sister and dad as I suddenly felt REALLY strongly that they should witness this. They came in, and my sister started taking photos, but Martin kept everyone quiet during the silent moments between contractions. I didn’t scream at all, and my moans were concentrated and focused on pushing my baby out. I remember at one point singing along to a song, not even sure now what it was, and Zainab asking my mom (also a midwife) if she had ever heard anyone singing during transition and my mom had not (don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t necessarily a beautiful sound, but it kept me focused and sane and calm!)

I pushed, and pushed and pushed a bit more, and forty minutes later the baby’s head crowned and we could see the hair. I reached down and touched the top of my baby’s head, and I remember smiling. In that moment, the presence of other people in the room didn’t bother me at all anymore. (I was wearing a short old satin night dress in the pool so that I wouldn’t feel awkward with all the family around).

I gave another push, fully expecting to see the head come out, then wait for the body to follow in the next rush. However, in this push, out came head, shoulders, body and all! She came out so quickly (in the end) that we were all really taken by surprise! I

Cord around the neck

reached down in the water without checking the placing of the cord and lifted her out to breathe her first breath, but she had her cord so tightly wrapped around her neck, and it was quite short too, and we could not get it off, so we had to cut it as quickly as possible. If I’d noticed that in the water we could have unwrapped her, but I’d been too hasty! My mom and Zainab cut the umbilical cord and unwrapped it. Once that was done, she went straight on to my chest for some skin to skin time and she didn’t even cry! Just a bit of whimpering. She stayed peacefully on my chest and went on to my breast almost immediately while Martin and I just gazed at her for ages! It was only when I handed her to Zainab a little later that she started bawling, but she stopped again as soon as Zainab passed her to Martin. It was really amazing. My sister was taking photos, bawling her eyes out, my dad was welled up, Martin even got really emotional! Funnily enough, she was on my chest for about five minutes before we even checked to see her sex! Everyone was in awe of how beautiful and pink she was. The most special moment of my life to date is reaching in to the water and lifting my little girl out, knowing that I was the first to touch her.

With a family history of retained placenta, I had decided to take Angelica Root tincture as soon as the baby was out. While I was fawning over my baby, my mom popped some tincture under my tongue and it was a very successful move as the placenta came out about 20 minutes later without the need for injections or drugs – a major relief for me as there was a good chance I’d have to transfer to hospital to get the placenta out!
My mom weighed and measured the baby while Zainab looked after me, and after a shower and a quick check for tears (a slight graze, but no tearing!), a check of my blood pressure and so on, I joined my husband and baby in our room. He had tears drying on his cheeks and looked amazed and awed by our little miracle.
My mom had never attended a water birth (she’s a midwife in Australia), and she is converted to it. She feels, now, that it is so much better for both mother and baby, and believes that she will now be an active advocate of it, which I’m really happy about. My sister told me afterwards that she was really scared for me and for the baby, but having actually witnessed the birth she now feels that it is more natural and beautiful than a hospital birth and even thinks she’d go the same way when her time comes! That is such a blessing to me! It makes the birth of my baby have far reaching effects beyond just us, and I am so happy about that, and proud of our achievement!

Kyra is so peaceful and calm and I’m sure her wonderful birth had something to do with it!

Kyra Amelia

Kyra with her Nana

WEEK 40 – DAY BY DAY

MONDAY

So, 40 weeks came and went, and baby Button James not only didn’t show, but didn’t even pretend to be interested! Not a twinge or a flutter other than ordinary ‘I’m comfy in here’ kicks and moves.

I went to Greenwich with my mom and dad to walk around a bit, hopefully get things moving and get the action going – it’s almost the end of September, and it’s almost my 30^th, and I’d love this little one to grace us with his/her presence before then. Mom and Dad spent the afternoon walking from Greenwich to the London Eye (a very long walk) but I went to Sainsbury’s to buy some groceries.  While there I had a rather strong abdominal pain, and thought this might be it, but it quickly passed and the nervous looking young guy ahead of me in the queue offered to carry my bags to the car for me.  He did look relieved when I said I was okay!

I arrived home and spent the rest of the afternoon napping, and Martin joined me. It was great to spend the afternoon lying in my husband’s arms as dappled sunlight filtered through the half drawn blinds. It felt peaceful, and relaxed.

TUESDAY

My favourite midwife, Zainab, arrived this morning for my final check. I’m technically now Due + 1, so and she feels that everything is fine, so much so that she has said that she’d really like to be present at our birth due to our relaxed and confident attitude! That was quite encouraging to hear at this stage of the game!

The baby is now 3/5ths engaged, so has definitely moved further down than last week, but there’s been no other signs.

Dad has made us a lovely curry for dinner, spicy enough to get my nose running but not, it seems spicy enough for Button to make an appearance.

WEDNESDAY

Okay Button!  Your crib is ready, beding washed, car seat clean and ready to be installed, nappy bag packed, clothes all dried and hung up and a stash of nappies ready for use.  The birth box is packed and the pool is in the kitchen ready and waiting.  Batteries are charged, cameras are ready, and there’s a blank tape in the video camera.  Really, all that’s missing now is any sign whatsoever that you’re on your way!  Your  aunty Deshaine is arriving in London today and really, most of my world is waiting with bated breath for any information on you.  We are all ready baby.  Daddy and I are waiting.

THURSDAY

Well, no September baby for us! Today is the 1^st of October, and I’ve not had a twinge even. I am starting to feel a bit worried about my post date appointment at the hospital on Monday.  I really don’t want to have to go to the hospital, have a sweep, an induction or any other intervention, as interventions are proven to lead to other interventions and to more painful labours.  And let’s face it, who wants a more painful labour?  I was two weeks late, and my mom had to be induced. My sister was three and a half weeks late, and born on holiday in a different city!  This does not bode well for those who came from all over the world to see my baby!  I know being anxious doesn’t really help matters, and certainly won’t encourage the baby to be born, but still… I can’t help feeling a little bit concerned.

Deshaine joined us today and we went to the Horniman museum. It was a lovely autumn day in London. The sun shone and we

My visiting family

strolled the museum and aquarium and walked around the garden where there were still some remnants of summer in the beautiful floral displays. A cup of hot chocolate and some rich chocolate cake later we returned home, where Dad made some good ol’ fashioned Vetkoek.  They were delicious and it was great spending time with at least half of my family. It’s unusual enough having us all in one room.

Tomorrow I turn 30.  Well, there’s one thing I didn’t get to do by the time I was 30, and that was become a mom. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.

FRIDAY

I’m officially 30, and I’m pleased to say I’m totally okay with it. Everyone always frets about thirty, but it holds no fears for me.  How can it when I face the most beautiful time of my life, and it’s coming so soon!

40 + 4 weeks pregnant, my tiny sister almost fades away

I had a terrible night’s sleep, waking three times to have something for heartburn, twice to go to the toilet and then from 3am, I woke up on and off with contractions. I know that early labour  contractions are just for ‘practice’ so I aimed to try to sleep through them. I didn’t quite achieve it, as I did wake up with each one, but it wasn’t so painful and I was able to go back to sleep.  At 8.30 I woke up and went to the bathroom again. There I had the bloody show which I was quite excited about as I thought I’d missed it with one of my night time bathroom trips.  I was quite excited, and had to share the news with Martin and my folks.

As it is my birthday, and I’m not desperate to share the day, I decided to take it very easy and spend it on the sofa.  I did so, and found the contractions ebbed and flowed depending on how active I was.

We had a lovely pizza dinner, and Martin bought a gorgeous Thornton’s birthday cake which we enjoyed before I had a long hot bath.  During labour, before the water’s break, it’s really useful to have a bath to determine whether it’s false labour or true labour. In false labour, the warm water will make the contractions go away, but in true labour, they will continue. Mine continued, so I am of the opinion that Button should be joining us sometime tomorrow or Sunday!  How exciting!

I lay in the bath listening to the Hypnobabies – Come Out Baby MP3, and felt so totally relaxed and calm that even the rushes of contractions weren’t too bad. While I was bathing, Martin and the family jumped in to the kitchen converting it from family kitchen in to sterile birthing environment. The kitchen trolley is now a resuscitation table, the counters are clean and ready. All my herbal medicines are laid out ready for use, and candles are spread out.  The video camera is set up, the midwives’ light and mirror in place and the birthpool is in the centre of the room, ready for my signal.

I feel really blessed to have such a fantastic support network around us at the moment. Sometimes it’s a bit overwhelming having so many people in the house, but honestly, my mom, dad and sister have really made this week so much more bearable by filling our home with peace and love and togetherness.

We prayed together this evening, and now everyone is in bed, and I’m about to go to sleep.  Tomorrow I might become a mommy, Martin a daddy and us together, a family. That’s a spectacular thought, and we are ready baby. We are ready and waiting for you.

Week 39 – Still just waiting and preparing, waiting and preparing

A midwife, Agnes, came early on Tuesday and didn’t stay long. She is entirely happy with the baby’s movement, heart rate and position, happy with my protein levels and blood pressure, and happy with my positive attitude. She had a look around the house to see where the birth pool would stand, which she was happy with, and with the proximity of somewhere to be ‘land based’ for the delivery of the placenta. Overall, it would be fair to say, she was happy. Apparently the baby’s head is 2/5ths engaged, which means our Button has started the journey down the birth canal, and it’s now just a matter of waiting to see what happens. There are no estimates on time, and no guarantees of anything by any time.
My parents are arriving on Saturday, so it would be good if Button stayed put for a few days. They are coming a long way – the least we can do is wait for them!
For now we are just waiting. As we approach ‘term’ (which is forty weeks) the wait does feel longer. A lot of people talk about being ‘ready’ for the pregnancy to end about now, but it’s not quite like that for me. With the baby moving down my PSD is getting progressively worse, and my bladder requires more frequent emptying, especially at night, but apart from that I’ve not been in too much discomfort. Although I’m not in a hurry for the pregnancy to end, I am really keen on meeting my baby. I wonder what he or she will be like, and I wonder how this new presence is going to change our lives. I’m nervous and excited and really looking forward o meeting my little one.
So this week we’ve really hit on ‘nesting’. Martin’s been working like a Trojan, just to get the house in shape, all the spare bits and pieces out of the way and as much ready as we can. We’ve spent so much time preparing now, it’s hard not to become impatient waiting for our baby’s arrival.

Till later,
Luschka

Week 38 – Ailments and Impatiently Waiting

I do empathise with people who say the last four weeks of pregnancy are the toughest. I’ve not had too many problems up till now, but for me, this last week has been one of the hardest in many ways.  Whereas in the beginning I was just sick and weak all the time, the list of ailments and conditions at the moment make me sound like a hypochondriac!

To start with, there is no such thing as a good night’s sleep anymore.  My routine waking up times for toilet trips are around 01:00, 04:00, 06:00 and 08:00.  The 03:00 or 04:00 waking time is normally accompanied by the inability to return to sleep for a good while, and I usually have to follow self-hypnosis steps to get myself back to it.

As the baby has begun his/her downward movement, my PSD has become progressively worse; understandable as my pelvis now has the baby pressing down lower and heavier on already weak ligaments. The problem is immeasurably worse at night though and in the lying down position, so every single time I turn around I wake up in agony. Of course I’m able to go back to sleep straight away, but even so, it really hurts!

Martin has informed me that I have also begun snoring! Something I’m chagrined to admit, but pleased to discover is perfectly normal at this stage – or even earlier, and elated to know will pass again soon.  It is apparently due to the swelling of the mucus membranes, and the constriction of the respiratory system – in case you were wondering.  Personally, I believe it is to prepare the daddy-to-be for sleepless nights!

Sleepless nights make for low energy days for the mother to be too. I had high hopes of a million things I was going to do BB (Before Baby), but I’m lucky if I can motivate myself off the couch to make a cup of tea on any given day! Some days I’ll have a mid afternoon nap, which is glorious and although I feel a bit groggy for a while afterwards, it does help. In fact, those occasions where I do get an afternoon nap are more refreshing and invigorating than the whole night’s sleep otherwise!

Mobility has become a serious issue. Standing for anything longer than getting the kettle to boil causes serious strain on the lower back, and driving has become an extreme sport – for other road users more than me, really.  Martin says that the signs of my expanding waist line are most evident in the car, as every time he gets in to drive he has to move the seat forward and readjust every mirror.

But, these are physical ailments and afflictions and in the bigger scope of things, they are really not too bad. I know some people have it a whole lot worse, and I’m just grateful that I’ve been able to come as far as I have with as few problems as I have had (although I’ve heard it mentioned at times that I’ve just been really unlucky and had a hard pregnancy. Maybe I’m tougher than most?  That bodes well, anyway!)  Mentally, and psychologically, I sway from totally ready to not ready at all. When I’m in pain or trying to sleep or have random lower abdominal cramps  I am very ready to meet my baby. When I see the drawers and cupboards full of things waiting to be used, or the Moses basket lying there empty, I am ready. When I wonder if the baby will like the vibrating function on the bouncy chair, I am ready.  When it’s a sunny morning and the sun shines in through the blinds and Martin and I lie in bed savouring the rare silence of a Camberwell morning, I am not.

I find somewhat unsettling the sardonic, slightly gleeful glint of the eye that people with experience of children get when they comment on how you’ll never have a minute to yourself again, never sleep in again, or never *insert any topic of conversation here*again – and then proceed to hastily tell you that it’s okay – it’s apparently worth it in the end.  I worry about this human need to terrify, torment or simply unsettle parents to be.  If it’s all so awful, why do people do it over and over again, and why oh why has humanity survived this long?  I take hope in the fact that people still cause miles of highway tailbacks just to get a glimpse of an accident – as a species, we feel okay when we know that someone else is worse off. Ask me in again in six months. I’ll tell you if I still think the same.

Anyway – the midwife comes tomorrow, and I’m keen to know if the baby is in position and everything is ready. I’ll be 39 weeks, so it can happen at any time!

Soon, soon.

Luschka

Week 37 – Maternity Leave & Pregnancy Photos

It really is funny how time stretches to suit your to do list.  Whilst working full time I could do in an evening what it now takes me the whole day to do.  I do suppose my size might have something to with that though.  I’ll give myself the benefit of the doubt.

After a very full weekend of baby shower followed by spending Sunday walking around central London with Bruce and Deanna, I was very grateful on Monday morning not to have to get up and go to work.  I did decide that I would have a productive day though, and did not disappoint myself.  I spent the day giving the kitchen the clean of its lifetime. I mean, it wasn’t exactly dirty to start with, but it practically sparkled by the time I was done!

Martin brought home some unexpected and potentially frightening news on Monday evening. Due to financial problems in the company, they are going to have to reduce the team size. As he was the last person employed 11 months ago – well, it has to be him.  Of course, no one feels good about making redundant an employee who is just about to have a child, but they seem to have no choice.  By law, they don’t have an obligation in terms of redundancy severance as he has not been with them for two years, but fortunately they felt bad enough about it that they are giving him a months’ paid notice which he doesn’t have to work, and as a sign of good will they are throwing in two weeks paid paternity leave too.  By all natural thought, this is a disaster. Here we are three weeks from the birth of our first child, and we are quite suddenly both without employment! We’ve been viewing it as an opportunity though – For some time now, Martin has wanted to return to freelance work, because although it is not a secure income (nor it seems, however, is permanent employment!) it pays better and allows greater flexibility, giving him a wider range of experience, less responsibility and more time to spend at home with the baby.

Tuesday the midwife came around, a new lady named Zeta. She was really lovely. Very encouraging, positive and kind. She brought along the ‘birth kit’ that they leave with all home births from around 36 weeks. I’m dying to know what’s inside, but I’m not allowed to open it, and at risk of contaminating sterile items, I won’t let curiosity get the better of me. She had a look around the kitchen and bathroom and gave the flat the thumbs up, which I was pleased about.  I have heard many horror stories about unsupportive midwives asking about home insurance, landlord waivers and requesting the fire brigade be notified that there will be gas and air canisters in the house, or even worse, midwives trying to scare people out of home births with stories about falling through the floor during labour or trying to assure them of certain death in most situations. Having a bad midwifery team would not have changed my intention to have a home birth, but it would certainly have made me less enthusiastic about calling them when the time comes!  When Zeta left on Tuesday she declared herself happy with the baby’s heart rate and position, my protein levels, weight, general well being, announced that I deserved a healthy, peaceful birth due to my positive attitude and felt sure that this baby was being born in to a positive and loving environment. That was really uplifting, and made me that much more excited.

Apparently Button is still moving around much more than I would have expected because there is a lot of amniotic fluid still in there. Normally by this stage babies start slowing down, moving less and moving downward, but by some oddity there’s more room inside me than I would have expected, and the little one is still perfectly comfortable, flexing toes and muscles, practising grabbing, and batting eyelids.

A serious bonus of not working now is the ability to drift in and out of sleep as and when the desire strikes. It struck for most of Tuesday afternoon, letting up only for the baking of savoury bread and some muffins for dinner.

Thursday evening we had our final antenatal class, where the guys got to go to the pub ‘for old time’s sake’ and the ladies had a session on breast feeding. It was really interesting and I was surprised at how many questions we all have on the issue!  The NHS is very pro breastfeeding, and there is a huge drive to get everyone doing it, but it is really hard for some women, and there can be real difficulties. Of course, I am very keen on breast feeding, not only because of the health benefits for the baby, but also the health benefits for the mom.

One of the major problems with breastfeeding is, in my opinion, the volumes of conflicting advice. Breastfeed immediately says one, later says the other. Feed “on demand”, insist some, whilst others demand that you at routine intervals. Introduce a bottle early on, warns one midwife – the baby will have trouble with the breast if you do, counters another. And so it goes.  There really seems to be only one way forward: The one that works for us.

It was a great session though and I will really miss Sofie and her fantastic antenatal service. She really gave us the pros and cons objectively and allowed us to make up our own minds. The other couples we met were great too – we were such a blend of expectations and desires, and that made for a very interesting course.

On Saturday Martin and I drove to Jacques’ house in North London (Jacques in an old friend from school who worked as a photographer for a while) to take some pregnancy photos.  It was a perfect September day in London. We had beautiful sunshine and a cool breeze, different to the stifling heat or miserable rain we’ve had recently, and the long evening shadows made for beautiful photography. Although I am particularly uncomfortable on that side of a camera, I know I will treasure these pictures in the years to come:

So now we’re in to the final countdown.  We have one weekend left to finish the nursery/guestroom as my parents arrive on the 26^th of September. The baby is ‘due’ on the 28^th, although this really is something of a guesstimate. In the meantime I’m drinking as much red raspberry leaf as I can stomach (generally about two to three cups a day) and taking evening primrose oil.  I have my Swiss ball on hand and move off the sofa on to it every so often to make sure baby stays in the right, back to belly position and I am vacuuming and mopping the floors regularly to keep my spine bent forward for a few minutes a day, all to encourage the baby to stay put. Martin gives me a geranium oil foot massage whenever my ankles swell up too much from water retention, and in general I am happy, healthy and most important of all, content.  I have not packed an ‘emergency’ hospital bag, and my birth box is not ready with everything I’ll need on the day, but the nappy bag is packed and ready for our first day trip out of the house!  The Moses basket is ready for its guest, and wrapped up to keep it clean, and all the baby towels, blankets and clothes have been washed, dried and returned, waiting patiently to fulfil their potential.

Right now it seems like everything is waiting, ready, perched and poised for an arrival that will transform this married couple in to a young family.

Booties all washed and waiting

Nappies waiting patiently

Luschka

Week 36 – End of Employment and a Baby Shower

I had a very stressful 36^th week of pregnancy – not so much due to the pregnancy, necessarily as the week itself. It was my final week at work, and I had so much to do and finish up. Although I was only due to go on maternity leave, I was also told on the last day that I would not be required back in January. As I am a contractor, they are completely within their rights to do that, but it did go against the verbal agreements we had in place.

I was quite taken aback, and upset at the time, but with the clarity of hindsight I am relieved.  Martin didn’t really want me to go back in January as the baby will only be about three months old, but I wanted to complete the project I had started and at least stay till March, part time, to fulfil my commitment.  This way there is no obligation to do so – there is also no certainty of income, but that’s a separate day’s problem!

The fact that I had been awake for much of Thursday night, 3^rd of September, with the baby moving so much I could not actually get to sleep, or would wake up if I managed, did not help my mental state on Friday, which is partly why I was so upset I think.

Was it not for the pregnancy, I would have had a very stiff Vodka that night.  But office cleared, desk emptied, out of office updated and voicemail changed I had an early night on Friday, hoping to feel better on Saturday morning, and really looking forward to my baby shower!

Saturday morning dawned and I felt no better. I had to really psyche myself up to even go to the baby shower – although there was no way I would miss it, a room full of people was not really what I was in the mood for. But what a stunning evening it turned out to be.

There was disappointment in the fact that my sister, who had organised everything from Norway, had had her visa declined the day before and was not able to travel come, and although she had sent various items by post, they had not arrived (in fact they had, but the post office had put HER name on the parcel slip, so Gloria had not been able to pick them up as it was in the wrong name!) She was able to ‘join’ us by webcam though, which was a real bonus as she was able to feel ‘part’ of it, even though she couldn’t be there.

Glitches aside though, it was a great afternoon.  I was really touched by the effort everyone had made.  I had friends there from Bath, Nick and Dom, and a friend from Bristol, Nat.  Almost all our London based friends had been able to make it and even Bruce and Deanna, a couple from South Carolina, USA, came for the weekend!

Make up madness

Two friends, Gloria and Jacques, hosted the party which was held at Gloria’s house, and they played a few (mean!) games, including asking Martin questions, then later asking me the same questions and ‘punishing’ me by means of my blindfolded friend Nat applying make up to me, if I did not get the answer the same as Martin’s!  They also fed me awful baby puree and made me guess the flavours and so on!  The best game was a timed game of change- the -baby’s- nappy- whilst- blindfolded between Martin and I, which I’m worried to say I won, and managed to keep the ‘baby’ face up at all times! (Worried, because it might mean that I’ll be changing more nappies!)

Martin practising night time nappy changes

Chocolate Fudge Cake

Gloria made a delicious chocolate fudge cake (three of my favourite things in the title alone) and a gorgeous trifle, and everyone brought snacks. It was really great to spend time with people I haven’t seen much over the pregnancy due to my sickness and general exhaustion.

Gloria had also made the biggest nappy cake I have ever seen!  It was 8 layers of nappies interspersed with all sorts of goodies – a toiletries box for baby bath items, baby clothes, shoes, hats, mittens, teething dummies, muslins, lullaby CD, toys and more. It was a simply amazing gift, and a serious centrepiece for any babyshower!

Martin and Dom preparing to take the Nappy Cake to the car

When it came to presents, I had the biggest shock of the day.  My friend Nick handed me a gift which I began to open. I saw the box, and I saw the words Canon SX20IS, and I burst in to tears! A group of friends had clubbed together and bought the new camera that I have been pining for since mine broke. Unfortunately there was simply no way we were going to be able to afford a new camera with this little one on the way, and I had given up on any hope of having a ‘decent’ camera by the time Button comes along. The surprise overwhelmed me and the more I practice with my camera the more I’m overwhelmed at the generosity and kindness of my friends, family and husband for this amazing present.

The rest of the gifts were no less significant, despite a comment from someone that I’d have to be as excited about all the presents now to not make anyone feel bad! Following from the baby shower, and gifts we’ve received by post we have very few things left to purchase,  and those that we do are mainly for me, rather than the baby (like maternity bras) and I cannot describe how special this whole experience has been. I am so touched by the love and care  people have shown us. Nick and Lindi have both said that it is because of the love and friendship that I show to other people, but I have to admit, this whole thing has humbled me.

I took a number of trips from Gloria’s house to the car to get everything loaded up, and I took a little while to look through photos when we finally got home, but I slept so well on Saturday night. The stresses of the week forgotten, the worries about the future unimportant, I slept peacefully, basking in the welcoming glow of this new phase of life opening  up before me.

Most of the baby shower guests (with my sister on the laptop!)

Us - tired but very happy

Gloria and Kate went all out with the Peter Pan themed decor

Week 35 – Preparations, PSD and Dreams

We have had a very good week, I think.

Last Sunday we inflated the birth pool in the kitchen as a trial run to see how long it would take. We were both really surprised at the speed and ease of it! The pool has three rings which are inflated in sections and each ring took about a minute.  All told, it was up in about ten minutes! We didn’t fill it with water, but don’t think that would take too much longer than the average bath.  The only downside of the pool in the kitchen is that if I have a long labour we’ll be having take-aways on disposable crockery for a few days because only the fridge, kettle and left side of the kitchen sink are accessible!

I climbed in the dry pool and had the sudden overwhelming awareness of what exactly lies ahead for me. Being on my knees and clutching the handle bars the whole childbirth/motherhood/baby life change momentarily took on a ‘deer caught in the headlights’ feel, but it passed soon enough.  Millions have done it before me and I’m not likely to be the last…

With my final week at work looming, I cannot tell you how ready I am for maternity leave. Just the ability to sleep whenever the mood strikes me is a phenomenal thought!  I will go off the Fefol tablets, which have been playing havoc with my digestive system, and just sleep when the mood strikes me – which considering what my nights are like, might be all day! But I’ll get to that in a moment.

I have received my epi-no, so I can start preparing my perineum for labour next week at week 37, and I have stocked up on red raspberry leaf tea, so I can start having two cups a day this week to prepare my uterus for contractions. Preparation, I think, is the key to natural childbirth – it’s what God gave us herbs for, after all. Anyone who’s ever been on ‘alternative’ healing programmes will know that you might need a little longer to experience benefits than with normal medicines, so… preparation preparation, preparation.

I have not yet received my TENS machine, which I ordered about a month ago – the tracking system says it’s ‘on route’.  Hmmm… from where?  Hopefully it will arrive soon – as it provides the pain relief for early labour (by sending electric currents through the body) it’s not really the kind of thing you want to be waiting for the postman on. Especially not if you end up with a 30 hour or so labour!

Martin's christening bonnet and shawl

I’m really looking forward to my baby shower next week.  I think that will help me feel a lot more prepared for the actual baby part of this too – the cupboards are still a bit bare, although Geraldine, my mom in law, blessed me this weekend with a bag of goodies that included cotton wool, nappy sacks, baby bath products and creams, some gorgeous little booties and bibs and baby grows and a beautiful blanket.  She’s also giving me (on loan) the bonnet and shawl my husband and her other children wore on their Christenings, so that should go really well with my own Christening gown.  I’m looking forward to getting back home and popping all these ‘bits’ on the shelves!

Physically the pregnancy is going well. Button moves around a lot, especially when I’m trying to settle for the night, and I wake up a lot during the night and although there’s no way of knowing, I imagine it’s due to movements, kicks and so on. Somehow there still seems to be a fair amount of space in there, because s/he likes moving from side to side. Far as I can tell, the head is down where it should be, and the feet are under my ribs. The baby seems to enjoy moving from left to right and back to left, causing weird alien looking movements and causing me giggles often. It feels weird, and great, and I love it.

That said, I am experiencing additional pressure with the PSD, as the baby moves down, I guess more pressure is applied to the pelvis, so I find I get sore a lot more on things such as stairs, getting in and out the car or putting on underwear or pants (trousers)! Anything that involves being on one leg at a time, really.  In an attempt to compensate for the PSD, I think I’ve been putting pressure on my coccyx as that has been very tender lately, but I am surviving that too, fortunately. After two days of doing a lot of walking around Prior Park Landscape Gardens in Bath and being touristy in the city of Wells, I was surprised today to find my ankles swollen to almost twice their usual size!  My mother in law was kind enough to give me an ankle massage using a blend of aromatherapy oils – Lavender, Grapefruit, Frankincense and so on… all very good for water retention. It is an odd sensation though, peering over a huge belly to see swollen ankles. Pregnancy certainly does remove any sense of ownership over your body!

But all these little ailments aside, I have really been luck this last part of the pregnancy, making up for the horror of the first part, I think. I have started to feel the ‘walking on clouds’ feeling the midwife said to expect as the body starts pumping the ‘love hormone’ or oxytocin in to the system. I feel rushes of extreme love for Martin and our baby, although I think this could be down to him being simply amazing, supportive and incredibly loving himself at the moment, rather than just being a hormonal thing! I have moments of almost panic where I realise this is all happening so fast – the baby could healthily and naturally be born any time in the next two days to six weeks. I am not entirely sure that I’m ready!

I have also started to experience another side effect of the third trimester: weird dreams. I’ve never had the most straightforward dreams anyway, but these have been insane. In addition to just being really high activity and exhausting, they have been emotional and unusual. I have found myself waking up to escape the dream, getting up to take advantage of the awake-ness and get a bathroom break in, and return to bed to continue the same dream! Last night I kept myself awake for half an hour just to not continue a dream where everyone in my life was shouting at each other while I watched! Very bizarre.  Latent issues? Perhaps, but I’m too tired to investigate!

Well – it’s all go now.

I guess I might write a bit more over the next few weeks as things step up a gear. In two days my precious gift is considered full term and all the world is changing.  It was weird seeing a friend yesterday, my in-laws today and knowing that next time we would have a baby in tow. Wow. All the world is changing.

Luschka

Week 34 – Midwives, exercises and first aid

Dear Button,

These last two weeks have passed in such a blur of activity and emotion and ‘baby stuff’ and ‘life stuff’ that I feel a little like my head is reeling.

My midwife never turned up for our 33 week appointment, so I had a day at home just waiting, but honestly, nothing more eventful happened the whole week.   At the rescheduled appointment at 34 weeks, she prodded and poked and pushed and then prodded some more, but could not find your head at all! That was slightly worrying from the positioning point of view. By this stage we really want you to be head down:

However, you were not head down, but seemed by the shape of my belly to be either breech or transverse:

or

That can be a really big problem, because in the case of breech the midwives would not want me to have the birth at home, and in the case of adverse they would try to make me have a C-Section, which I really really do not want!  I started doing a whole range of exercises and movements (on hands and knees, tilt the pelvis in and out, do a figure of eight and rotate hips;  lie on your back with legs and bottom against the wall and tilt pelvis; bounce on a Swiss ball; always sit with knees lower than hips, just to name a few).  At our antenatal  class this week the midwife, Sofie, checked me again and she said that although your head was not engaged (which is fine) you were head down again. I was so happy!

They say that babies sleep most of the day in there. That’s understandable, since there’s not a whole lot else to do, and whereas in the past you were very quiet during the day and got quite active at night, you now seem active all the time! You’re a little energizer bunny, constantly on the move. This does not bode well for peaceful sleep for Daddy and me again, well… ever!  But I  do love feeling you kick, and as you get bigger and your space gets more limited, your movements are becoming bigger too. Sometimes Daddy can see you moving across the room! It’s very cute and makes me laugh often – especially when you retaliate to being poked at!

We had a great antenatal class on Thursday. It was really one of the more important ones for me – the life with baby stuff. How to fold a swaddling cloth, how to lie you down, change your nappy and so on. I found it really useful! We learned about the things that make babies cry, like hunger, temperature, being ill, need for comfort, nappy change and so on. Sofie said that  parents usually eventually get to know the different cries, and what they mean. I’m sure my parent friends will have their own thoughts on this, but it did provide some comfort!

Martin practicing baby CPR

Today we attended a Pediatric First Aid class. Many of the principles remain the same, like the old ABC’s – Airway, Breathing, Circulation, and the ‘rules’ are the same. Such as firstly checking the room for any signs of danger, like a gas leak, but there are differences between first aid for adults and that for babies.  For baby CPR for example, you cover the nose and mouth with your mouth, whereas with adults you pinch the nose closed.  For baby compression you use two fingers to compress, whereas for adults you use the heal of your  hand, and so on.  The procedure for choking is also different. With a baby, you turn them upside down down your leg, whereas that would be somewhat harder with an adult.  One of the mom’s in the class said that she had attended a class before the birth of her son, and when he began choking recently she vaguely remembered what to do (he is now 10 months) and decided to do the class again to refresh on everything now that she can put it in the context of actually having a child. I can’t imagine how scary it must be though. It is always useful to read about these things, and look at pictures in books, but being able to practice on a doll that makes sounds and movements when you do it right (like coughs up a little bit of rubber when you apply the correct force to the back!) really helped me to understand the force and pressure that you need.  As Sue (the instructor) said, broken ribs heal, but stopped hearts don’t.

I’m starting to feel a little more prepared now, and beginning to slowly feel as confident in the ‘having a baby’ as I am in the actual process of having the baby! Of course there is much to learn, and I’m sure I’ll make many mistakes, and a lot won’t be as it is in the books and the manuals, but there are a few core things that I think knowing, makes easier.

Tomorrow we do a practice run on the birth pool, which I’m really looking forward to, and do a few more bits and pieces in your room, and then rest and prepare for my second last week of work!

Being around all those babies today made me really excited to meet you.

Love you my Button.
Mommy